illustrated

As requested by Cheesehead

software solutions update

Things learned on a Saturday night:

• The mouse wheel noise is "room room room room."
• The headphone cord picks up movement and creates spontaneous editorial comments.
• The on and off positions for the microphone icon are not appropriate for someone who is 12.
• Sometimes commands become commentary.
  
• Speaking louder does not increase understanding.
• It does not recognize most of the seven words you can't say on tv.
• Laughter is poorly translated into a repeated word. The word chosen is dependent on pitch.
  

Predicted outcome: I don't think it will significantly add time to my work after enough training has happened.

I see the resemblance

HOW TO WRITE A SERMON

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with a fully-charged laptop.

2. Read over the scripture carefully, to make certain you understand it.

3. Take a quick trip to Starbucks to buy some coffee to help you concentrate.

4. Make a quick call to clergy colleague to see if she's started her sermon, either. If neither of you has started, you might meet up somewhere for a quick bite to help you concentrate. If she casually says that she finished hers last Tuesday and was just brushing up on her delivery, hang up quickly and pray for the future of your friendship.

5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with with a fully-charged laptop.

6. Read over the scripture again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

7. Check your e-mail; reply to everyone who sent you messages.

8. You know, you haven't thought about your Jr. High band camp roommate in years... You'd better look her up on Facebook right now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

9. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.

10. Download that song you've been wanting to add to your collection, and that's it - I mean it - as soon as that's done you are going to start that sermon. (This, of course, involves digging out your iPod from your gym bag, which necessitates starting a load of laundry.)

11. Put together a photo slide show using new song as background. Send it to everyone you know.

12. Check your e-mail again. (Do not - EVER - read email from members of your congregation that arrive at this crucial time. No good will come of this.)

13. Head for the bookshelf to find inspiration. (Perhaps that illustration you need is in that blue book you bought at that conference and never read.) Organize your library so books will be easier to find in the future.

14. Phone a clergy colleague and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your congregation, your D.S., your Bishop, and the Conference.

15. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with a fully-charged laptop.

16. Read over the scripture again; roll the words across your tongue; savor their special flavor.

17. Check your e-mail to make sure no-one sent you any urgent messages since the last time you checked. Check Facebook while you're at it. It might be your turn to play Scrabulous!

18. Check the listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a sermon due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon is truly worthwhile. Hey, there might be a sermon illustration lurking on that infomercial!

19. Check Facebook again. Maybe that friend from Jr. High accepted your friend request.

20. Phone your clergy friend to see how her sermon's going. Make fun of other sermons you read posted on the Internet.

21. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

22. Check Facebook. Maybe someone wrote on your wall. Challenge a friend to a Scrabulous game.

23. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

24. Open your door and see if it's too cloudy for stars tonight.

25. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with a fully-charged laptop.

26. Read over the scripture one more time. Perhaps you missed something earlier.

27. Put the laundry in the dryer. Make a list of things you must buy at the store tomorrow.

28. Check your e-mail. Put your new photo slideshop on your MySpace page.

29. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

30. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

31. Leap up and write your sermon.

edited later: I got this from an email forward from another clergywoman

Friday Five twofer from RevGalBlogPals

Friday Five: What You Absolutely, Positively, Can't Leave Home Without

as posted by Singing Owl on July 25, 2008

We will be at a chaplain's convention when you all are answering the Friday Five Questions. I'll look forward to reading your answers next week when I get home. At the moment we are trying to get the car loaded so we can hit the road, so this will be a simple F.F. This running around madly in order to leave has me wondering: what are the five things you simply must have when you are away from home? And why? Any history or goofy things, or stories?
1. books
2. medication
3. gps loaded with geocaches
4. laptop
5. if traveling with children, dvds and player

Multiple time events in our family:

When I was a child going to spend the night with grandparents, I would "forget" to pack pajamas because then I got to sleep in one of grandpa's t-shirts.

When the SportsQueen packed her own clothes (for multiple days), no socks were included even though she needed them.

When the Entertainer travels, there is a stuffed animal that goes along. She has also traveled via the United States Postal Service, FedEx, and UPS.

The Friday Five: What's in a name?

as posted by RevHRod on July 18, 2008

If you are a regular reader of Songbird's blog, you know that "The Princess" has requested a new name. Her older brother changed his "secret identity" a while back and now this lovely young lady is searching for a new name on her mother's blog. This got me to thinking. How do we come up with all of these names? There must be at least a few good stories out there.

In honor of the Princess I have posted a picture of one of my favorite members of fictional royalty, Robert Munch's "Paperback Princess." She is a brave young woman who doesn't need anyone else to fight her battles. And she knows that what is most important isn't tiaras and finery but what's on the inside. If you haven't read this little fairy tale, I highly recommend it. But I digress.


BONUS: We LOVE the Paperbag Princess! "hey dragon" for a great review and telling of the story click here

1. So how did you come up with your blogging name? And/or the name of your blog?

Well, the Vicar part came from Vicar of Dibley and trying to be geographically appropriate for the place. The place is the "hometown" for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. While some Christians have criticized the Harry Potter books for various "anti-Christian" themes, it was apparent to me from the first book that the themes and values share a deep affinity with Christianity if they are not based on Christianity (which I really think they are). I'd like to think that somewhere in the back story the Vicar of Hogsmeade was a regular part of the lives of many of the faculty at Hogwarts even if not so involved with the students.


2. Are there any code names or secret identities in your blog? Any stories there?

The names have been changed to protect whomever needs protecting. Generally, they reflect characteristics or they are the first lame pseudonymn I could create.

3. What are some blog titles that you just love? For their cleverness, drama, or sheer, crazy fun?

preacher, blogger, procrastinator
St. Casserole
Cheesehead in paradise
cafe diem (it's about coffee)
skewed view (one of the re-occuring conversations in my PhD program is about how we all have a skewed view but some of us are better at identifing ours)

4. What three blogs are you devoted to? Other than the RevGalBlogPals blog of course!

I use bloglines to keep track of them all.

5. Who introduced you to the world of blogging and why?

Mostly it was RevGalBlogPals. I wanted to answer a Friday Five but I didn't have a blog. So I started one to tell about how I got to play Jesus in a Southern Baptist church.


Bonus question: Have you ever met any of your blogging friends? Where are some of the places you've met these fun folks? I was on BE 1.o. And I met Mid-Life Rookie because of an obsure reference to a place that closed several years ago.

software solutions

In an attempt to reconcile myself with the functionality of my body and my need to produce documents, I have obtained a well known voice recognition software program. This is proof that it really does work pretty well.

On the advice of Disability Services at the University where I am scheduled for comps, I was exploring the software options before the most recent arthritis concern. Just in case. Now, I think that was pretty good advice. The software package came with a wired microphone headset that seems to work well. However, if I upgrade to a Bluetooth headset microphone, I can even wander around while writing.

I guess the next thing to do is to write my sermons with this program. So then I will get used to it before I have to take comps.

The most awkward thing so far is actually speaking my thoughts out loud. I'm so used to typing my thoughts that speaking them is odd.

And then there's the editing, I don't have it completely figured out yet. But a few mouse movements and keyboard strokes go a long way.